• “I haven’t told my husband what I’m doing”
• “My friends are telling me I look fantastic, but I’m not letting them know what I’m up to”
• “I’m keeping it as my secret for now”

I’ve heard these statements and variations of these statements a lot in my work as a Psychology of Eating & Health Coach.

Most of my days are filled with talking to absolutely amazing women about how they can make nourishing themselves a reality in their every day life.

We look at the practical aspect of things, what food works best for them, how is it going to show up in their house, who is going to cook (and more!). We also talk about the deeper issues of why it feels so hard for them to actually take care of themselves…what are the underlying feelings and beliefs beneath the unwanted eating and weight.

Every aspect of food/body/weight/ fascinates me and right now! I’m kind of intrigued – because so many of my clients are doing so well right now – what happens when we start feeling good? What happens when we start feeling successful in our ability to nourish and nurture ourselves?

One of the places I see this play out, is in the fact that women often keep the work that their doing with me (and for themselves!) a secret. They don’t tell their husbands/partners – they don’t tell their friends – they keep it to themselves.

Why? Why when things are going well, do we as women keep that to ourselves?

Here’s why…

5 Reasons Women Keep Self-Care a Secret:

1. Fear of Failing

Most women I work with feel like they’ve failed at the food and body game in the past. They have tried the latest and greatest diet or exercise plan, and it hasn’t worked long-term. They’ve started a program with gusto, only to find that they can’t stick with it. Then, they feel like a failure.

Feeling like a failure is deeply demoralizing to our soul. We start to feel like there is something inherently wrong with us (which is of course NOT the truth). Failure feels like a personal attack on our worth as a human being. I’ve also seen women not even start walking down the path of self-care because they are afraid they would fail again.

Fear of failing can make us keep our self-care a secret, because we don’t want to fail in public. It’s one thing to fail on our own, keep our shame to ourselves, it’s another to do it in public. This brings us right into…

2. Fear of External Expectations

If we admit to focusing on our self-care, if we tell our friends and family that we are getting support around making healthy food choices, or taking care of ourselves – then will they expect us to live up to their standards of what that means?

I hear this sometimes, when women talk about fearing that their husbands “will be watching what I eat.”  We don’t want to experience those around us as the “food police.” The belief is sometimes: “if the people around me start noticing my changes – or start measuring my weight loss – they’re going to expect me to keep losing weight.”  That’s just too painful! It’s too much pressure and too much unwanted accountability.

What we want instead, is support for the journey –  not the outcome. Our journeys are never perfect – they are in fact, an evolving process.

3. Fear of feeling good

What if we really feel good? What if we really let our light shine? What if we let ourselves be truly vibrant?

For some of us, it’s a leap to allow ourselves to buzz with aliveness. Allowing ourselves to be “out” with feeling good, can bring up issues of comparison and concerns of out-shining others… “will my friends still like me if I’m not commiserating with them?” This brings us to….

4. Fear of disconnection

When we start taking care of ourselves we sometimes do things that are different than our friends and family. We may make different food choices. We may take time away from our “tribe,” and do things just for ourselves.

It can be scary to take a stand for ourselves, instead of abdicating our own needs in order to fit in or serve everyone else.

5. Fear of looking needy

I work with smart, savvy women, who are very capable. For those of us who fit into that category (YOU) it can be a challenge to say: “I’m getting help to learn how to take care of myself” or “I really didn’t ever learn how to nourish myself, so I need support.” We’re accustomed to doing it all by ourselves – and asking for for support and admitting to getting support around self-care – can feel a bit needy.

The truth is that we all need support – in many areas. There’s no reason to walk this journey of self-care alone.

I want to encourage you to announce your self-care intentions to the world! Get support! Create a tribe around you, so you feel championed in taking care of yourself.

YOU DESERVE IT!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ninamanolson

Nina Manolson, MA, NBC-HWC, is a Body-Peace™ Coach.

She is a board certified Health Coach, Psychology of Eating Coach and Certified Body-Trust Provider, believes that every woman deserves to feel good in her own body.

She helps women create a healthy and positive relationship with their food and body so they can truly feel at peace in their body! She’s the founder of NinaManolson.com and The Nourished Woman Nation.

She specializes in working with women over 40 who have tried many other diets and approaches but are still struggling with their relationship to body and food.She’s the creator of the BODY-LOVE MAP and the recipient of the prestigious Health Leadership Award from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.To take a powerful step on the Body-Peace™ Path, download your Practicing Body-Peace Journal right HERE.

If you’d like help with navigating an authentic and respectful relationship with your body. Let’s talk.