I’ve been working with women and their bodies for 25 years and let me tell you, our relationship with our body is complex!
There are so many factors that impact how we feel about our body, and how we treat our body.
The top three (of many) that I see having the biggest negative effect on how we experience and take care of our body are these (in no particular order)…
Societal Body Perfection:
Our culture is always telling us what the “perfect” body is, and what we “should” be doing to get it. The constant exposure to the “idealized body” undermines having a healthy relationship with our own body. We become estranged from our own particular brand of beauty!
Trauma and abuse:
Sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse destroys a natural trust of our own body and it’s needs. Trauma and abuse can catapult our body into a chronic state of stress, which impacts our digestion, immune system and metabolism – all factors that influence how we feel about our body.
And, the one I want to talk to you about today…
Your Mother’s body legacy
How our mother felt about her body, how she treated her own hunger, her needs, her desires (for food and otherwise) deeply impacts how we treat our own body.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not mom bashing – mothers are awesome! I’m one! And, I love my mother – she is amazing! But, I learned from watching her, that you shouldn’t focus on yourself. Life should always be about giving to others. It took me years to give myself permission to take time for myself, and to learn that as a result of my taking care of my needs, everyone around me benefits!
What I’ve seen in the work that I do with women (helping them reclaim a healthy and positive relationship with their body) is that for many of us, it’s SO hard to prioritize ourselves! It’s so hard for us to stop in the day and say:
- “I deserve to stop and eat…a healthy home-cooked meal”
- “I need time to feel good in my body…to move in a way that makes me feel good”
- “ Sleep is my god-given right! I’m allowed to stop everything I’m doing to rest my body”
- “It’s vital that I have quiet-time, peace-time, soul-time for myself! I need inner stillness to live with vibrancy!”
It’s kind of shocking how these basic needs – real food, pleasurable movement, sleep, and stillness – are so hard for women to give to themselves.
Instead, I often hear:
- “I wish someone else would take care of me”
- “I don’t have any time for me”
- “It’s so much easier for me to take care of everyone else”
- “I know how to take care of myself, but I just resist it for some reason”
The resistance that we encounter with taking care of ourselves has a lot to do with what we saw our mother do…or not do.
- Did your mother diet all the time?
Do you diet all the time, or do you resist diets all the time?
- Did your mother criticize her body – or maybe your body?
Do you judge yourself? Do you compare yourself to other womens’ bodies?
- Did your mother forego time for herself because everyone else’s needs were more important?
Is it easier for you to give than receive?
- Did your mother cook? Did she cook comfort food? Diet food? No food? Food to please everyone else?
Do you cook and feed yourself food that you love AND that loves you back?
- Did your mother model listening and respecting her body, or was it something she tried to control and dominate?
Are you at war with your body? Are you trying to whip your body into shape versus loving it – as it is?
- Did your mother hurry all the time? Was she always rushing with no time or space for herself?
Do you feel that if you’re not busy, you’re not doing enough?
- Was your mom checked out? Did she abdicate taking care of herself and possibly you?
Are you waiting for someone else to start taking care of your needs? Do you wish it was someone else’s responsibility to nurture you? Have you given up on yourself?
8. Did how your mother feel about her body impact her mood, her sense-of-self and her confidence?
Are you looking at your reflection, the scale, the size of your clothes as a marker of how good you can feel about yourself?
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. These questions are designed to help you clarify the influence that your mom may have had on your relationship to your body.
The more aware we can be of where our body messages and beliefs come from, the more we can choose healthy and positive food and body messages.
And, just to be clear…
Just because your mother’s relationship with her body and her self-care may have negatively affected yours, it doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever!!!
This is something that can change.
You CAN…
- learn to nourish, nurture and support yourself!
- step into self-care habits that work and fit in your life
- be loving and self-compassionate towards your body!
- feel great in the body you have!
And…you can take steps to feel even better than you do now, if that’s what you want!
I know it’s true because I’ve done it and I’ve helped hundreds of other women do it too.
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Nina Manolson, MA, CHC, certified Health Coach and Psychology of Eating Coach believes that every women deserves to feel good in their own body. She helps women create a healthy and positive relationship with their food and body so they can love their body and life! She’s the founder of NinaManolson.com and NourishedWomanNation.com
She helps busy women look and feel their best, and helps them feed their kids well in a world that doesn’t.
She’s the author of “Feed Your Kids Well In A World That Doesn’t: an everyday guide to make healthy food happen in your home and beyond”. She’s also the recipient of the prestigious Health Leadership Award from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.
To get your F.R.E.E. Video Series “What to do now, when everything you’ve done hasn’t worked” by mail and receive her healthy recipes and wellness tips click here.
Nina Manolson, MA, is the founder of Body-Peace®.She helps women end the war with food and body and finally feel truly at home in their body—as it is.
She is known for her deeply feminist, anti-diet, body-peace® approach. She brings her 30 years of experience as a therapist, Body-Trust® Guide and Psychology of Eating Teacher to helping women create a respectful and trusting relationship with their food and body.
Nina’s Body-Peace® work is all in service of helping people get off the diet roller-coaster, and into a compassionate and powerful way of eating & living which creates a positive long-lasting change in and with their bodies. Her courses, coaching, poems and Body-Peace APP positively change the conversation that women are having with their body.
Start your Body-Peace® journey with this free masterclass that will help you understand and shift your relationship with your body.
