Ever have trouble putting yourself to bed?

Just to be clear from the get-go, this article isn’t about the actual act of falling asleep. For sure – many women have a hard time drifting into slumberland – but this isn’t about that. This isn’t about sleep hygiene: quiet, cool, dark room, no electronics in the bedroom and all that important stuff. This article is specifically about what I call bedtime-resistance.

This post is specifically for you if…

• you have a hard time actually getting yourself into bed
• you resist moving from the sofa into the bedtime routine
• you get caught trying to get one-last-thing-done (and staying up way too late)
• you end up channel surfing instead of crawling under the sheets
• you get sucked into the computer vortex (Emails, Facebook, Netflix, etc.) only to surface well after midnight, or falling asleep in front of a screen

This is for those of you who really need someone, like a mom,  to come and say “BEDTIME! Go wash up now!”

I really understand this dynamic because I sometimes get caught in it, and I talk to many, many clients who suffer from the same bedtime-resistance.

It’s really worth examining and ‘unpacking’ this bedtime-resistance, because it contains clues as to why we don’t take care of ourselves well, even when we know what we should be doing to really feel our best.

Our bedtime-resistance actually holds wisdom of what we need more of, during our daytime hours.

Here are the top 3 reasons why bedtime-resistance may be happening to you. And antidotes for each one so that you can start honoring your body’s need to be in bed earlier, so you can get more sleep.

1. FREEDOM & SOLITARY TIME

Most women I talk to are BIG do-ers. We are giving and doing, and trying to be productive all day long. We are often responding to other people’s needs, and living by a prescribed (and tight) agenda that we’ve created. Those late night hours are sometimes the only “FREEDOM & SOLITARY TIME” we get. There is something freeing, and a bit magical about those late night hours when we have no agenda, everyone else is asleep, there are no demands. Those  late-night hours hold the promise of your being FREE!

Antidote:

Schedule “FREE” time in your life. Make space for puttering and wandering and aimless non-productive time. Women need to have a feeling of space and ease, in order to feel truly nourished. We need the absence of pressure and demands, to be able to tune into ourselves, and hear our body’s true messages – like exhaustion, hunger and fullness.

2. CATCH-UP TIME

“I have so much to do! I’ll use my late-night quiet time to catch up with my to-do list!”

I get it! Really I do. But if you’re up late – trying to get-it-all-done – it’s time to get real about what you’re expecting to get done in a day. And if you’re reading this and thinking there’s just no way you could do any less in your day – and you absolutely need those late-hours to get stuff done – it’s time to start asking for more support in your life!

Antidote:

Be ruthless with your to-do list.  Circle only what is truly do-able on your list. Many professional organizers say that pruning your daily expectations is essential to feeling more productive. Also, asking for more support in your life is essential to not staying up late trying to catch up on everything.

3. OFF-TIME

Sometimes we are so “on” in our lives, that we are desperately craving to be “off.” This often shows up as watching more TV than we want, surfing Facebook or any other ‘mindless’ activity. This desire to be “off” is very important to listen to, because it’s our body’s way of asking to shift from the stress-response to the relaxation-response.

Antidote:

Intentional slow breathing and meditation, even 5 minutes, is the antidote to our need and desire to just be “off.” Conscious and intentional breathing and stillness alters our physiology, and brings us into para-sympathetic nervous system activation. It’s from this state of relaxation that we can function better during the day, be better able to listen to our body’s need to rest, and then respond by putting ourselves to bed.

The wisdom in our bedtime-resistance is that we need to:

• Be nourished all day long – no waiting ’til late night hours
• Reassess our expectations of what is actually do-abe in our day
• Have time to be free and be OFF
• Support our body to deeply relax

When we really allow ourselves to add more nourishment  and support in your life then we don’t have to stay up late trying to get our deep nourishment needs met. And when these deep needs are met, we can listen and respond to our basic needs – like sleep and going to bed!

One more practical tip:

Set an alarm on your phone 20 minutes and 5 minutes before it’s time to head to bed. Think of these chime-reminders as a ‘good-mom‘ prompting you that it’s time to wrap up what you’re doing and head to bed!

And just to remind you of something you probably have experienced...when you sleep well and enough…EVERYTHING is better!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~