How I didn’t drown myself in a pint of ice cream

I’ve been really sad lately.

My heart has been very heavy with the loss of a niece and the news that a dear friend is dying of cancer. My 86 year old father-in-law keeps talking about death coming for him and then to top it off, I descended further into grief after I went to see an amazing production of The Diary of Anne Frank at the Stratford Theater Festival. I wept for the loss of millions of Jews and others who perished in the 2nd World War.

Honestly, when I was having my huge messy cry after the play, I knew I wasn’t just crying for the atrocities of war and hatred, I was crying for my own personal losses, now and in the past.

That’s often what happens for us when a feeling is triggered – It brings up a whole strand of events that are connected to that one initial feeling. And often, those feelings are not easy to be with.

And then we eat.

I say “we” because I’m assuming that if you are here reading this article, you may be someone who sometimes eats their feelings. I’m also saying “we” because that was me for many years. I would feel something a tiny bit uncomfortable – any feeling really – anger, sadness, tiredness, happiness, frustration, disappointment, etc. – and I would eat. Ice cream, cheese, chocolate, croissants. I used sugar, dairy, and bread – to soothe my soul – and to turn down the volume on my feelings.

Here’s the really cool thing though…now I don’t eat my feelings…not anymore. Food is no longer my go-to fix, my cure-all, my only solace. And, if food is any of those things for you, I want you to know…it doesn’t have to be that way.

It’s definitely a growth process to make the shift from eating your feelings to feeling your feelings, but it’s well worth it, because….

When you feel your feelings fully, instead of burying them in ice cream:

• You don’t feel worse after, because of what you just ate,
• You gain access to the tenderness and power of your heart, and the way that you deeply care about the world and the people in it,
• You can hear the incredible wisdom and insights that your feelings hold.
• You open yourself up to more joy when you allow yourself to feel the pain.

But how do you do it?  How do you actually feel your feelings, instead of eating them?

Like I said above, it’s a process and a journey, but here’s some strategies to get you going on this process.

SPEAK YOUR STATE: 

Say OUT LOUD what you are feeling. Here’s a video about how to do that.

RIDE THE WAVE OF SENSATION:

Our feelings live as sensation in our body. When we can breathe and relax into what we are feeling on a physical and emotional level – not try to change it and just BE with it – then we open ourselves up to the messages and wisdom that exist in our feelings. Learn more about how to do that here.

GET SUPPORT:

Talk to friends, connect with a coach or therapist who can support your process. Don’t expect yourself to do this all alone. From working with women for decades, I can tell you that women do best with support and community!

Feeling my sadness hasn’t been “fun” – but it’s been real – it’s been honest, and it’s allowed me access to my tender heart. And once I have access to my heart, I can feed it what truly nourishes it – connection, love and rest – which is much more powerful than drowning my feelings in a pint of ice cream.

 

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